Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
