Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
