Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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