you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
