I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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