I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This girl is more easily done than said...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
