So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
where am i from again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
