i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
