If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
