I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
