Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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