girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my poor anus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The adults are the big ones right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
