dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
