my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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