did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
