Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
