I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
