Your dad touched me again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize