It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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