Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
