Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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