It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i will never coherently bang her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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