it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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