its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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