Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
