As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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