she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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