she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
