I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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