there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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