Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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