whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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