I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
