i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
