Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
