I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
