is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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