Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
