why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
