woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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