from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
