Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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