so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have demons in me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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