don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize