We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
