dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
