Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I smell stomach acid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
