I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
