A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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