Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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