It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
