why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
