so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
