Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
