**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love having hate sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
