So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
