I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
