I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
