A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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