I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
