Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
