I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
