PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you had me at cake vodka
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
