haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
