Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
