Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
