so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize