I just pynch a tree in the face
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
