You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
