I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize