I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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