shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
