remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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