the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
