How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
