By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
