weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
