Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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