Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
