My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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