Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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