Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize