Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
