Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
