it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
