I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
