Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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