I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
