It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
