Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
