I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
