You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I touched a dick in church today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
