Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
