I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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