Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
