in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
