I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize