but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
